It's been a while. Interestingly, i find it difficult to gather and organize my thoughts when i haven't written in a long time, so if this seems disjointed, i'm sorry for that. I want to talk about friends, a little bit, and one person in particular.
There's a girl i'm friendly with at work, i'll call her 'Jane' (i don't know why i'm bothering, none of you know her or anything, but i just feel better if i don't call her out by her real name). Anyway, when i still lived in Illinois, we looked forward to my imminent move to Indiana with the anticipation of hanging out more and becoming friends outside of work. We talked about the cool things we'd do together and i was really excited about it because she'd only be the second real friend i've made since i moved here (which is kind of my own fault; When i was living in Houston, i was "friends" with a few girls i didn't really like and i've been trying to be careful to avoid doing that again) and i've been a little lonely for female companionship.
So our house deal finally came through and we moved to Indiana. Things were a little hectic in the beginning, trying get everything moved, the old place cleaned out adequately, and things semi-settled in at the new place.
Things have been mostly back to normal the last few month or so, and i've been trying to hook up with Jane. Mostly, we've either had Robbie over and i didn't want to bother her with that kid, or her boyfriend's been unavailable. We've managed to get together a few times with her boyfriend (whom i'm going to call 'John'), but every time we do, it seems like one of them isn't happy. We went bowling once, and John was irritated because he had to work the next day (around 3 am) and he was going to be tired. We went to the movies, and John was irritated because...well, i'm not even sure why. Last weekend at the demolition derby, John was mad because Jane wouldn't let him put his arm around her in the eight thousand degree weather. John has the irritating and rude habit of sulking when he's mad about something, which in turn affects Jane's mood. It just seemed to me like John didn't want to be around us.
I'd pretty much been blaming John for things going wrong, until Saturday, when we went to the Renaissance festival. The plan was to meet at my house, have breakfast and all drive up in one vehicle. It's kind of far away, and it just didn't make any sense to waste all that gas, or risk getting separated since me and Jim were the only ones who knew how to get there. I was kind of waiting for Jane and John to call and make an excuse to either not ride up with us, or not go at all. That morning, they called and told us they needed to ride in their own car because of something to do with her mom. I was completely unsurprised, but disappointed at the same time. "Oh, well, at least they're still coming", i thought.
So we got together, had breakfast, and then headed out. We gave them directions in case they got separated from us (it's actually really easy to get there, but in hindsight, i kind of wish i'd made them a map). He managed to get lost in Gary because he somehow missed I-94. It's the area he freakin' grew up in, i don't know how getting off on 94 confused him. So anyway, they ended up getting there about half an hour after we did. Not a big deal.
Jane called from the front gate and we made our way over there to join up. When we got there five minutes later, they'd already wandered off. I called them and told them we were there, and she said, "Oh, we're at the mud show." I was like, "Well, are you coming back?" She seemed kind of reluctant, but they did come back. So we were all together and we started off to go look at stuff. Basically, the whole time we were there, she and John kind of wandered off and did their own thing, occasionally coming back for a few minutes to rejoin the group, and then leaving again. It started raining, and that kind of sucked, and eventually she called saying she was leaving. Alright, i understand, no one wants to be outside shopping in the rain like that. We said we were right behind her and the next plan was to meet up at an outlet mall that we'd passed on the way.
Jim didn't really want to go, and i understand that, as i'm not a big shopper myself. So we go there, and i called Jane to let her know we were there. She was disappointed because she couldn't get her nose pierced (why she thought she could get that done at an outlet mall is beyond me, but whatever). So we tried to make dinner plans, and Jane suggested the Rainforest Cafe there in the mall. I didn't think it was a good idea because i knew what kind of food they offered there, and i knew Jim wouldn't eat any of it. Jim, being the sweetie he is, agreed to go there anyway just so there wouldn't be any difficulty. There was a 30 minute wait if we joined some club, and an hour wait if we didn't. John and Jane seemed really angry about that because they were so hungry (why they didn't snack at the fest is also beyond me). So we tried to suggest one of the restaurants outside the mall and they dismissed the suggestions as taking too long. So we ended up eating in the mall food court. I hate mall food courts, but i ate there anyway to be agreeable. Now everyone's irritated for one reason or another, and everyone's trying not to show it. It got pretty late and Jim was ready to go, but we ended up shopping around for a bit (Jane and John had already left, big surprise there). So we went home and went to bed.
So the point of talking about Saturday is this: I used to think John didn't like or want to be around us and Jane did. Now i'm not sure Jane really wants to be friends anymore either. She's the kind of person who thinks it'd spare my feelings to cover up the fact that she's changed her mind about being friends outside of work rather than just to come out and say "It isn't working". So i can't even rely on her to be honest if i voice my concerns to her. And then there's the chance i'm just reading way too much into some bad luck situations.
But then when John isn't around, she's a completely different person. Sometimes when she declines doing things because John has to work, i want to say, "So? Let him fend for himself for an evening and just come!" But i'm sure i wouldn't appreciate if someone suggested the same to me if Jim wasn't available for an activity. So the question i can't find the answer to: Is it John? Or is John just the excuse? Or did she just decide, after more exposure to me, that i suck?
Now i have a few thoughts and feelings. One: It's really rude to sulk if you're in a group. It ruins everyone's mood. I feel like if you're in a tiff with your girl/boyfriend, you really aught to put it away until you're in private. It seems like whenever Jane and John are around us, he's mad at her or she's mad at him, and she has to whisper what's wrong on the way to the bathroom or something. Then there's the awkwardness of knowing what's wrong and pretending like you don't notice anything's amiss. We're not in highschool, so grow up ffs.
Two: If you don't want to be there, don't be! You're just going to ruin everyone else's time if you show up to be polite.
Three: If you're going on a group date, shouldn't you stay together, for the most part? I mean, the whole time we were there, i pretty much felt like we were some couples at the same place at the same time, and not like we were there there to hang out together. Idano, maybe i'm just being sensitive.
I'm thinking i probably won't invite them some place again. I don't want to put any pressure on her to hang out with me if it isn't what she wants to do. So now i'm stuck thinking about this girl who's really funny and usually fun to be around, whom i have a lot in common with, who'd planned to be friends me, whom i still want to be friends with. And i just don't think it's going to work out.
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