So back to this whole Ryan business. I kinda sat back after he left and thought of all the things i SHOULD have done at the time.
I should have told him right away that he needs to introduce people when he brings them into our house.
I should have told them that Jim's hint wasn't a request.
I should have told them I was uncomfortable with their behaviour.
I should have flipped on the light and told that bitch to go home.
But i didn't... I honestly didn't know how to react at the time and as much as i wish i had my wits about me at the time, i didn't. I have always been great with imagining what i should have done at the time ten minutes too late. Gotta love that hindsight, eh?
So what i plan to do is this:
1. He gets a nice big lecture about permission. Also, how i expect him to conduct himself in the presence of friends in my house. After all, if we're too embarrassing to be introduced, then his friends really don't have any business over here in the first place.
2. He gets to have zero friends over for the forseeable future. That's for not satisfying the conditions of my permission before doing as he asked, and not having the courtesy to introduce them.
3. No more girls in the bedroom. That's for treating my house like a fucking rent-by-the-quarter-hour-no-tell-motel.
I know he's a teenager, i know he's exploring his boundaries or whatever. But as far as i'm concerned, he's not grown yet (as evidenced by his immature behaviour) and boundary exploration doesn't allow for nor excuse disrespect.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Abused Hospitality
I consider myself to be a pretty liberal person. I pretty much feel that as long as you're not hurting yourself or someone else (or putting anyone in danger of being hurt), and you're taking care of your responsibilities, you should be able to do whatever you like. I grew up with a pretty Nazi-ish father whose views were pretty much the opposite: Stay home and do absolutely nothing so that i can watch what you're doing at all times. I found that to be rather chafing at times, to say the least, and i figured if i ever had kids i wouldn't want to subject them to that kind of restriction.
As it turns out, i never had any kids, but i wound up with a couple of step kids instead. That suits me just fine. They have a perfectly functional father and (in spite of how i may feel about her personally) a servicable mother. With this in mind, i don't do much in the way of parenting for either kid; instead, i try to offer advice when they need it and leave them alone when they don't. My rules that govern my house are pretty simple: Take care of your responsibilities and be considerate. As long as both of those conditions are met, everyone pretty much goes along unfucked-with.
Now, we finally come to where i'm going with this. Last Wednesday, Ryan sent me a text message asking if he can have a friend over on Sunday. Thing is, i don't like having people over when the house isn't neat. The house wasn't a complete wreck, and since it was his guest, i figured he could straighten up. I replied "Sure, as long as you straighten up first". He replied "Alright".
Now, i'm not psychotic about how my house looks. I don't require that it look like a model home or unlived in. Just don't have shit all over the floor or dishes in the sink. Maybe wipe down the countertops and straighten up your desk. By no means am i going to come through with a white glove to criticize the job.
So Saturday, he asked what time can she come over (i learn now that the friend is a 'she'. No big deal, just info i didn't previously have). At this point, he hasn't done anything but take out the trash when asked. So i told him anytime after 11 am. I resisted the urge to tell him 'After you straighten up', because i didn't want to nag (which i'm prone to doing when people don't do what i want them to do when i think it should be done).
Sunday came around, and he still hadn't picked up. So i asked Jim if she changed her mind about coming over, and he said that she was in fact, already on her way. I was pretty peeved about that because Ryan still hadn't straightened up. Apparently, there was some confusion on Ryan's part about what qualified as 'straightening up', and Jim told him to come ask me what i needed. He opted not to do that, and instead elected to do nothing at all.
So this girl shows up, and Ryan takes her into his room. No introduction, nothing. Just straight for the room. I don't mind if the boys have girls in their room as long as the door is open, but i thought that not introducing someone was pretty fucking rude. I walked by, and they're just sitting in there holding hands and watching TV. Fine, i decided, i'd talk to him about how i felt later. Jim went in and tried to hint drop a hint and told them they could change the channel on the big tv in the living room. They said thanks, and didn't move.
As time went on, they went from sitting and holding hands to laying together under the covers in bed with the light off. I was so uncomfortable! I didn't even want to walk past the room to go to the bathroom. It was getting pretty late, and Jim and i were hungry. I was pissed off, and didn't want to cook for this girl i didn't even have the priveledge of meeting, nor did i want to go out to get something and leave the two of them anymore alone than they'd already made themselves.
So about 7:30, she decided to leave. They came out of the room, and walked right out the front door, without a word said. Ryan strolled casually into the kitchen and asked what was i cooking for dinner. It took all my self-control to not blow up at him. I was seething.
So am i overreacting to this? Or is it reasonable to expect that if i put a condition on permission for something, that the conditions be met before the permission is taken advantage of? Am i old fashioned for wanting to meet people who walk through my door for the first time? And if someone says to me 'friend', am i being prudish for being shocked at them taking this 'friend' to bed half an hour after they arrive? Jim has left what's to be done about this in my hands. But i'm already running late and i don't have time to go on about it now.
As it turns out, i never had any kids, but i wound up with a couple of step kids instead. That suits me just fine. They have a perfectly functional father and (in spite of how i may feel about her personally) a servicable mother. With this in mind, i don't do much in the way of parenting for either kid; instead, i try to offer advice when they need it and leave them alone when they don't. My rules that govern my house are pretty simple: Take care of your responsibilities and be considerate. As long as both of those conditions are met, everyone pretty much goes along unfucked-with.
Now, we finally come to where i'm going with this. Last Wednesday, Ryan sent me a text message asking if he can have a friend over on Sunday. Thing is, i don't like having people over when the house isn't neat. The house wasn't a complete wreck, and since it was his guest, i figured he could straighten up. I replied "Sure, as long as you straighten up first". He replied "Alright".
Now, i'm not psychotic about how my house looks. I don't require that it look like a model home or unlived in. Just don't have shit all over the floor or dishes in the sink. Maybe wipe down the countertops and straighten up your desk. By no means am i going to come through with a white glove to criticize the job.
So Saturday, he asked what time can she come over (i learn now that the friend is a 'she'. No big deal, just info i didn't previously have). At this point, he hasn't done anything but take out the trash when asked. So i told him anytime after 11 am. I resisted the urge to tell him 'After you straighten up', because i didn't want to nag (which i'm prone to doing when people don't do what i want them to do when i think it should be done).
Sunday came around, and he still hadn't picked up. So i asked Jim if she changed her mind about coming over, and he said that she was in fact, already on her way. I was pretty peeved about that because Ryan still hadn't straightened up. Apparently, there was some confusion on Ryan's part about what qualified as 'straightening up', and Jim told him to come ask me what i needed. He opted not to do that, and instead elected to do nothing at all.
So this girl shows up, and Ryan takes her into his room. No introduction, nothing. Just straight for the room. I don't mind if the boys have girls in their room as long as the door is open, but i thought that not introducing someone was pretty fucking rude. I walked by, and they're just sitting in there holding hands and watching TV. Fine, i decided, i'd talk to him about how i felt later. Jim went in and tried to hint drop a hint and told them they could change the channel on the big tv in the living room. They said thanks, and didn't move.
As time went on, they went from sitting and holding hands to laying together under the covers in bed with the light off. I was so uncomfortable! I didn't even want to walk past the room to go to the bathroom. It was getting pretty late, and Jim and i were hungry. I was pissed off, and didn't want to cook for this girl i didn't even have the priveledge of meeting, nor did i want to go out to get something and leave the two of them anymore alone than they'd already made themselves.
So about 7:30, she decided to leave. They came out of the room, and walked right out the front door, without a word said. Ryan strolled casually into the kitchen and asked what was i cooking for dinner. It took all my self-control to not blow up at him. I was seething.
So am i overreacting to this? Or is it reasonable to expect that if i put a condition on permission for something, that the conditions be met before the permission is taken advantage of? Am i old fashioned for wanting to meet people who walk through my door for the first time? And if someone says to me 'friend', am i being prudish for being shocked at them taking this 'friend' to bed half an hour after they arrive? Jim has left what's to be done about this in my hands. But i'm already running late and i don't have time to go on about it now.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Fucking Insomnia
It's ridiculous how when i can sleep i don't even think about it, i just do it. It's also ridiculous how when i can't, it's all i can think about. As i lay awake pretending that if i don't open my eyes i'll just drift right off, i can't help but steal glances at the clock. That's the worst thing. "Only 6 more hours to sleep". "Only 5 more hours". "Fuck, i've only got 4 hours left. I'm going to be so tired tomorrow". And so on until it's pretty much time to get up.
Or, if i can manage not to look at the clock, i can't stop thinking of things. Sometimes important or stressful things, but not necessarily. Roz is gonna be pissed if i don't write that audit response soon. I really need to get the sink fixed so i can run the dishwasher without flooding the undersink. Hmm..what should i eat for lunch today? I think i want a sweater for Christmas this year. The next book in the series doesn't come out till next November, what'm i gonna read till then? And so on.
And then the next day i walk through in a daze. In the beginning it isn't so bad, my attention just wanders a bit. As it progresses, and i get less and less sleep, people start asking me if i'm mad at them, because i forget things like saying hello, or i stop listening to someone mid sentence in an obvious way.
Toward the end, right before i crash, i feel like everything that's happening to me is happening to someone else and i'm just watching. People are pissed at me because i'm too tired/lazy to do my share of our work and my own work. I struggle to stay awake when it isn't appropriate for me to sleep. I snap at people whether they deserve it or not. I stop liking the kids. I pretty much stop liking everyone, and i feel like the feeling is mutual.
So i started this new drug Rozerem. It's not quite as good as i'd hoped it'd be because though it helps me fall asleep really fast and doesn't make me feel hung over the next morning, it doesn't keep me asleep. So i still wake up a lot at night. On the whole, i have to say it's better than the alternative. Anyway, if you're currently in my life, and i've been a douche clown toward you lately, i'm sorry. I'm trying to get better.
Or, if i can manage not to look at the clock, i can't stop thinking of things. Sometimes important or stressful things, but not necessarily. Roz is gonna be pissed if i don't write that audit response soon. I really need to get the sink fixed so i can run the dishwasher without flooding the undersink. Hmm..what should i eat for lunch today? I think i want a sweater for Christmas this year. The next book in the series doesn't come out till next November, what'm i gonna read till then? And so on.
And then the next day i walk through in a daze. In the beginning it isn't so bad, my attention just wanders a bit. As it progresses, and i get less and less sleep, people start asking me if i'm mad at them, because i forget things like saying hello, or i stop listening to someone mid sentence in an obvious way.
Toward the end, right before i crash, i feel like everything that's happening to me is happening to someone else and i'm just watching. People are pissed at me because i'm too tired/lazy to do my share of our work and my own work. I struggle to stay awake when it isn't appropriate for me to sleep. I snap at people whether they deserve it or not. I stop liking the kids. I pretty much stop liking everyone, and i feel like the feeling is mutual.
So i started this new drug Rozerem. It's not quite as good as i'd hoped it'd be because though it helps me fall asleep really fast and doesn't make me feel hung over the next morning, it doesn't keep me asleep. So i still wake up a lot at night. On the whole, i have to say it's better than the alternative. Anyway, if you're currently in my life, and i've been a douche clown toward you lately, i'm sorry. I'm trying to get better.
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