Thursday, October 16, 2008

Confessions of a Bad Communicator

I'm a terrible communicator. I'll be the first to admit it, though it's something most people in my life already know about me. Some take it better than others, but there it is. I could really stand some improvement in this area of my life.

In this day and age, there's really very little excuse to be out of touch with friends and family.
Busy signals are practically a thing of the past, as i don't know of any mobile plan that comes without call waiting. With the advent email, instant messenger and the proliferation of cell phones, getting in touch with someone is easier than ever.

So what's my problem, you ask? (Okay, maybe you didn't ask, but since it's the point of the blog i'm going to tell you anyway.) My problem is most people in my life don't communicate the way i prefer to communicate. I have three prefered methods of talking to people. Number one is unequivocably face-to face. I'm one of those people you have a hard time getting away from when talking to me in person. My second and third runners-up methods are instant messenger programs (like AIM) and text messaging. For friends, neither of these are particularly problematic as most of them use one or the other and a couple of them (bless them!) use both. It's awesome! It allows me to give and receive information without having to talk about the damn weather or traffic or a whole plethora of other small-talk topics i generally don't care about. IM has the added bonus of freeing me up to do other things while i'm using it. Check email, read blogs, surf the net, cook dinner. . . IM is great!

My family, on the other hand, prefers to use the telephone and email. I'm decentish with email. It may take me a couple of days, but if someone emails me a question, i will usually answer it. I'm awful with the phone. I don't know what it is about the phone, but i absolutely HATE talking on it. Whenever it rings, i cringe and groan at it as though it's going to stop ringing and apologize with a little "Maybe some other time, then?" as it retreats quietly back into my purse.

I don't know why i hate talking on the phone. I've never had a job that required me to be on the phone for extended periods of time or anything like that. In fact, i used to love talking on the phone. I could be on it for hours. I'm not sure when that changed. I think it's awkward silences and small-talk i'm afraid of. I feel like i have to have something new and interesting to say when i call people (or when they call me, which is usually the case). Unless the weather is unusual, i just don't like to carry on about it. My mother in law (i love her very much) is the worst about calling with absolutely nothing to say, so she just talks endlessly about the weather. Meanwhile, i'm on the other end numbly uttering a string of "Uh-huh's", feeling guilty about desperately wanting to pass the phone off onto someone else.

I know people call because it's the only way they can spend time together sometimes. I understand and respect that. I really wish i were one of those people who could call and talk for hours, but i'm just not good at it. I know small talk doesn't bother others like it bothers me, so i know they wouldn't mind hearing from me even if i didn't have anything in particular to talk about. So i guess to those of you in my life i don't communicate much with, i'm very sorry. The flaw is with me.

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