Part Three

I stepped back into the courtyard of the recent dead, feeling numb from my latest brush with death. I recalled eleven months of intense joy and love as i watched my baby grow from a helpless mass of flesh and bones into a tiny personality, unique and cherished. And, as it turned out, tenuous. I recalled the death of my baby daughter with that same detached nostalgia, but no real pain. SIDS, they'd said. I decided if my baby wasn't going to wake up anymore, then i didn't want to wake up anymore either, and then i swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.

I saw my best friend from high school from my first life sitting alone at one of the picnic tables. I went to sit and wait with her, already contemplating my next jump. I smiled at her, and she smiled distractedly back at me, no spark of recognition in her eyes. I put my arm around her. She continued to not recognize me. I felt sorrow over this, as i realized how much i'd missed her in the few lives i'd lived since i'd seen her last. Maybe i looked like my most recent incarnation, and that's why she didn't know me. I couldn't be certain, i had no idea what i looked like just then. I kissed her cheek and stood up to go wait by the doors for the call.

I didn't wait for the conveyor to start moving this time, i jumped straight down to the belt below me. This one ran through a stream, and by the time i arrived at my newest identity, i was sopping wet. Once again, i was slated to begin life midway through.

I smiled around at all my friends and loved ones who'd taken the time to throw me this party. It wasn't just a party (though everyone loves a good excuse to drink and frolic), it was a public show of support and acceptance from those i was most afraid to reveal my true self to. The rainbow cake was as tall as me, and this widened my smile. Where the HELL did they get a cake so big?! I turned to say thank you to my boyfriend, and i was surprised by my feminine but unmistakably male voice. He walked over to me and put his arms around me and murmured words of love into my ear. I was confused. Is this how it works? Am i gay because i'm so accustomed to being a female that i couldn't break out of the role long enough to fit into my new identity? If the world knew, would that make it easier for it to accept me? I suppose it didn't matter. I was here, and i was happy, and i was ready to live again.