Sunday, April 19, 2009

Who I'd Like To Meet (Myspace Blurbage)

Now there's a field of text on my profile that's given me pause for quite a long time. Who I'd Like To Meet. I've always wondered if it means celebrity-wise? Or just a type of person i may feel i'm lacking in my life? You know, in case that type of person happens to be browsing my profile; then that big, overhead light bulb could go on, and that person could clap their hands together decisively, saying aloud, "Why! That's me! All that's missing is my name!" It's more possible than the former, i'm sure. After all, this IS a social networking site.

But if it's a rhetorical question, asking me if there were any particular person of fame i'd like to meet (you know, just to see what type of person i am), then i'd certainly have to say no, for a couple of different reasons. People judge you based on the answer to that question, and i'm going to pretend for the moment that i care what The Random Masses think of me.

Let's say i proclaim wanting to meet a long-dead poet, or famous peace maker, or philosopher. Let's say i put in that field "Gandhi", and then i make my case for why i want to meet him: great man, want to pick his brain, ask him what he thinks of modern society, all the usual blah-blah. Now i look stuffy, possibly a little snobby, and certainly more than a little trite. While it may be 100% true that i want to meet Gandhi, saying so has the quality of a fake answer, and gives the appearance that i'm trying to impress someone.

Since i want to avoid looking boring and trite, i decide instead to be modern and trendy. Let's say i enter "Miley Cyrus" in the Who I Want To Meet, and then i briefly make my case for why i want to meet her: omg, so cute and talented and her dad is SOOOO hawt! Now i'm putting off a vibe that clearly says Not To Be Taken Seriously (unless i'm a guy, then it puts out a vibe that clearly says Stalker-Creep with a Lolita Complex).

But in truth, it's not the judgment aspect that prevents me from putting a celebrity into Who I Want To Meet. There are a few movie stars and musicians/singers that i truly enjoy. I will go and see a movie of dubious potential if Samuel L. Jackson is in it. I love that guy, and generally even when the movie itself is sucking like a strung-out crack whore, his parts are blissfully unsullied by the smut that is the rest of the movie (primary example: The Spirit). I love Bjork's music and her voice gives me those chills along my scalp and arms that generally accompany a soundgasm. MGMT takes me to a whole different plane of consciousness without chemical assistance. But i don't want to meet these people.

Well, why the hell not?!, you may be demanding right now. And even if you're not, i'm going to tell you.

In my own mind, Samuel L. is a brilliant, hilarious mixture of different tones of all of my favourite roles he's played. He's edgy like Jules, tough and resourceful like Neville Flynn; he cares, but brooks no bullshit like Lorenzo, and is an evil genius like the Octopus. Bjork is every bit the angel she sounds like. MGMT is a small group of wise children, with an insight into life that belies their youth.

But we all know it's not true. Samuel's got a personality that has nothing to do with the ones he portrays on the screen. Bjork is a bit of a nutcase, and MGMT is just a group of kids who like to get high and play music well. And i don't want to meet face to face with any of these realities. I guard my fantasies jealously, and i doubt any of the celebrities i enjoy could live up to who they are in my mind. No, i can't enter a celebrity into Who I Want To Meet.

That leaves real people.

But how real can this person be, if i decide to enter in all the qualities i'd like to see condensed into one human being? Let's say I'd Like To Meet a person with a sense of humour (not just any sense of humour, but the RIGHT kind of humour that would make everything that this person uttered a piece of comedic genius to my ears), not too tall, but not too short, of average build and level of goodlookingness, that enjoys online gaming, reading, movies (not just any movies, mind you, but the kind of movies i like), and casual dining. S/he'd have to be witty, but not so witty that i felt inferior in their presence; her/his social views would have to be moderately left; s/he'd have to be undecided on important topics like gun control, the death penalty, and religion, so that we could stay up late talking about their pros and cons.

And so on. It seems to me that even if i put all this into Who I'd Like To Meet, this person couldn't possibly exist. And if they did, and through some cosmic miracle, that person was on Myspace, tripping over my profile with the time to read Who I'd Like To meet, what're they odds that my personality matches THEIR Who I'd Like To Meet? Not that it matters, seeing as how it's my Who I'd Like To Meet we're talking about here, but those odds are looking a lot like lottery odds, therefore rendering the whole purpose of that blurb moot. And let's face it: even that level of compatibility could get old after a while. Small incompatibilities make friendships interesting.

Alas, after all this musing, i still have nobody to put in Who I'd Like To Meet. I guess i don't really want to meet anybody in particular.

Hello, it's nice to meet you :)

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