Missouri: The Show-Me [Your Tits] State

The funniest thing happens once you cross over the border from Illinois to Missouri. You don't notice it right away since this border is smack-dab in the middle of St. Louis, and the only things in your sight are the rush-hour traffic you didn't leave early or late enough to avoid, and the pretty arch glittering in the late afternoon sun.

But once i left the distractions of St. Louis city limits behind behind me, i began to notice it: Missouri sure likes its porn! It started with a billboard.





Simple, inobtrusive (and by that, i mean it's just text with no. . . more visual description of services offered), but attention grabbing. Okay. There's an adult video store ahead, no biggie. I drove on to find this gentle reminder






with a little more information. Ah, there's an arcade included! Score! Nothing really struck me as odd about it. . . i mean, everyone needs something to do on a Saturday night, and this place doesn't really have all the entertainment options of a thriving metropolis. I drove on again, without giving it a whole lot of thought until a few miles past the Arcade, i spotted another one.






Two, within fiftyish miles. The longer i drove through Missouri, the more porn shops i noticed. Some were small, simple establishments, discreetly advertised






while others wanted to make damn sure i noticed them






Some were blunt, cut-to-the-chase, and boringly named






while others were blunt, cut-to-the-chase, and a bit more creatively named.






Some were considerate to the needs of their clientele and were conveniently located next to overnight accommodations






while others considered the budget and disability needs of their customers.






Some were completely unremarkable in any way at all.






One of them even appeared to have multiple locations (or the owners had the same idea and are completely unaware of the other).






This one occupied an entire strip mall.






This one catered specifically to the early birds.






It would seem everyone in Missouri is open and okay with the porn industry and the fun it can bring. Except these guys.






But they clearly appear to be in the minority.


I'd never seen so many public opportunities for jerking off in one state in my entire life! I took these pictures from my car while i was driving home from Oklahoma, so if the quality is amiss in some of them. . well, i defy you to take better pictures while trying not to wreck. One thing is certain, though: if you're traveling through Missouri and you're lonely, you have no one to blame but yourself! Opportunity has kicked in your door and given you a lap dance.